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Black Adder II, Episode 3Potato-Blackadder's house. Enter Percy wearing a matching red outfit and hat -with antlers. The outfit is covered in bells which ring as he walks.Sounds of a celebration are heard outsidePercy: Coming?Blackadder: Nope offhandedly closing door on PercyPercy: re-entering It will be a once in a lifetime experience.Blackadder: No it won't closing the door with his foot.

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Percymakes a 'wauh' noise as he is shoved outPercy: entering again, holding his nose Everybody's going.Blackadder: Don't exaggerate, Percy. I'm not going, Mrs. Migginsfrom the pie shop isn't going.Percy: Oh, my lord, you are cruel; you know perfectly well that Mrs.Miggins is bedridden from the nose down postures, with hishand on his hip And besides, she is honoring the occasionin her own special way by baking a great commemorative pie,in the shape of an enormous pie!Blackadder: What an imagination that woman has.

The crowd'scheering swells outsidePercy: Oh, come on Edmund! The greatest explorer of our age iscoming home. The streets have never been so gay! Womenare laughing, children are singing. pointing outthe window there's a man being indecently assaulted bynine foreign sailors, and he's still got a smile on his face!Blackadder: Look, Percy, the return of Sir Walter 'Ooh what a bigship I've got' Raleigh is a matter of supreme indifferenceto me.Percy: leaning in towards him Look, if you're not careful, all thechildren will dance about outside your window, singing'sourpuss' and 'grumpy face', and you wouldn't want that,now would you?Blackadder: I believe I could survive it. Now, Percy, will youget out before I cut off your head, scoop out the insides,and give it to your mother as a vase?!

goes over to Percy,and, dragging him by his antlers, throws him out again. Slamsdoor What a clot. The most absurdly dressed creaturein Christendom enter Baldrick, wearing a 'dung-gatherer's'version of same. The hat is brown with branches stickingoff the top (Pauses) With one exception.Baldrick: looking up at him My lord?Blackadder: Baldrick, you look like a deer.Baldrick: Thank you my lord. You look a bit of a ducky yourself.Blackadder: Oh God. in disgust What do you want?Baldrick: Well, I was wondering if I might have the afternoon off?Blackadder: Of course not; who do you think you are, Watt Tyler?You can have the afternoon off when you DIE, not before.Baldrick: But I want to cheer brave Sir Walter home. Oh, dear sir,on a day like today I feel proud to be a member of thegreatest kingdom in the world.Blackadder: And doubtless many other members of the animal kingdomfeel the same way but - crowd cheering rises again.Blackadder gestures threateningly at the windowLook, will you shut up?!

Bloody explorers, ponce offto mumbo-jumbo-land, come home with a tropical disease,a suntan and a bag of brown lumpy things, and, Bob's your uncle,everyone's got a picture of them in the lavatory. I mean,what about the people that do all the work?Baldrick: The servants.Blackadder: No, me;.I'm. the people who do all the work. I mean.look.at this! goes to a table at the side of the room andpicks up a small brown thing and holds it up.What.

is it?Baldrick: Oh, I'm surprised you've forgotten, my lord.Blackadder: I haven't forgotten; it's a rhetorical question.Baldrick: looking at him No, it's a potato.Blackadder: To you it's a potato, to me it's a potato. But toSir Walter Bloody Raleigh it's country estates, fine carriages,and as many girls as his tongue can cope with. He's makinga fortune out of the things; people are smoking them,building houses out of them. They'll be eating them next.shoves it into Baldrick's chest; Baldrick takes it and looksat itBaldrick: Stranger things have happened.Blackadder: Oh, exactly.Baldrick: continues That horse becoming Pope.Blackadder: The what? Someone knocks on the door and Baldrick goes toanswer it Oh God. Probably some birk with a parrot on hisshoulder selling plaster gnomes of Sir Francis Drake and hisGolden beHind A child is heard outside singing 'sourpuss,grumpy face, sourpuss, grumpy face.'

Miranda Richardson,actually. Edmund pulls out a bow, nocks an arrow and shoots.The singing stops with an abrupt 'aah! Edmund shouts out the window And another thing: whyaren't you at school?Melchett, followed by Baldrick comes in the roomMelchett: Blackadder, started talking to yourself I see.Blackadder: Turning away from the window Yes, it's the only way I canbe sure of intelligent conversation.

What do you want?Melchett: Well I just looked in on my way to the palace to welcomeSir Walter home; I wondered if you cared to accompany me.Blackadder: I don't think I'll bother, actually; three hours ofbluff seaman's talk about picking the weevils out ofbiscuits and drinking urine is not my idea of a good time.Melchett: As you wish. To Baldrick Servant, my hat. Baldrick leaves.Melchett holds out a box toward Blackadder Potato?Blackadder: Thanks, I don't.

Melchett takes a bite of one. Isee you haven't succumbed to this fad of dressing uplike half an allotment in Nottingham Forest. Baldrickenters carrying Melchett's hatBaldrick: There you go, my lord hands Melchett his hat. It isdecorated with not only antlers but feathers as wellBlackadder: -You have.Melchett: It's probably just as well you're not coming, Blackadder,you're not very popular at court at the moment, and theQueen and I have- Blackadder interrupts himBlackadder: -Yes, well I can probably leave this 'til tomorrow in fact.over Melchett's protests 'you needn't bother'. No, no, I'llcome with you; obviously the Queen and I will be theonly ones even.vaguely.

sensibly dressed. followsMelchett out and slams the door behind him-cut to the Queen, who is wearing an eyepatch and aspecial matching crown(?). A knock is heard at the doorQueen: Who is it?Melchett: Melchy, Lady. He tries to open the doorQueen: keeping door closed with her hand -But soft!

Close youreyes! She runs back to throne next to Nursie Now enter!He enters, hand draped melodramatically over eyes. Queensays: Ahoy there, me shivering matey, heave-ho! Right, open your eyes.Melchett: Thank you, Majesty.

And- bows slightly, pretends tolook around in puzzlementQueen: smiling widely but playing the innocent Why, what's thematter, Melchy?Melchett: Well, I beg your pardon, my Lady. I was wanting to greetthe gallant sailor who hallooed me as I came in Queensqueals with delight Perchance he has hauled anchor andsailed away. Edmund is looking disgusted in the backgroundQueen: slyly No- it was me!Melchett: Majesty! Surely not!Blackadder: You utter creep. Melchett gives him a condescendinglook and moves out of his way so the Queen can greetEdmund So.

Where's this barnacle-bottomed, haddock-flavored,bilge-rat Sir rather-a-wally Raleigh then? I hear he'sabout as exciting as one of his potatoes.Queen: Blackadder's a frightful old lubber, eh Melchy?Melchett: Well indubitably no sea-dog, Ma'am. With a Yo-ho-hoand perhaps, I might venture, a bottle of rum into thebargain?A high whistle sounds, like the now-hear-this in ST:TOSQueen: It's him! Oh God, picks up a hand mirror do I lookabsolutely divine and regal and yet at the same timevery pretty and rather accessible?Melchett: bowing You are every jolly jacktar's dream, Majesty.Queen: I thought as much. If he's really gorgeous, I'm thinkingof marrying him.Blackadder: Ma'am, is that not a little rash?Queen: I don't think so.Nursie: It wouldn't be your first little rash if it was.The whistle sounds again and Sir Walter enterswith a flourish and bows deeply and elaborately.They all applaud him for his feats.

Sir Walteris played by Simon Jones, of 'Arthur Dent' fame.As if I have to tell youSir Walter: Majesty! he sings outQueen: Splice me timbers, Sir Walter, it's bucko to see you,old matey!Sir Walter: I'm sorry?Blackadder: caustically She says hello.Sir Walter: And well she might, for I have bought her gifts anddominions beyond her wildest dreams taking off hishat and bowing with a flourish againQueen: Are you sure? I have some pretty wild dreams, you know.I'm not sure what they mean, but the other day there wasthis enormous tree, and I was sitting right on top of it-Melchett: warningly Ma'amQueen: And then I dreamt once that I was a sausage roll-Melchett: Majesty-Queen: Sorry! Don't know what I'm saying. Oh- come on,Sir Walter, I want to hear about absolutely everything!Sir Walter: launches into storytelling mode Then, prepare to heartales of terrible hardship, endurance and woe. All settleWe set sail from Plymouth in the spring of 1552 Edmundyawns quite audiblyQueen: disparagingly You remember Lord Blackadder.Sir Walter: Nods No.

But I can see he is the sort of pastylandlubber I have always despised All laugh exceptEdmund.Queen: Well, quite. Angrily Don't crowd Sir Walter, Edmund.Sir Walter: continues Twice, last week, I fought in hand tohand combat with a man with two heads and no body hair.I'll warrant, the most exciting thing that has happenedto that limpid prawn in a whole year, was the day hisservant forgot to put sugar in his porridge Edmundsmiles tensely as they all laugh at himQueen: to Sir Walter Gosh, you've got nice legs.Sir Walter: continuing on as if he hasn't heard While I holdthe six seas of the world in my hand, he couldn'teven put six gob-stoppers in his mouth! all laughQueen: He's a complete no-hoper, isn't he, Walt?Sir Walter: He certainly is. more laughing.

Queen stops and says:Queen: My bedroom's just upstairs, you know.Melchett: I had heard, Sir Walter, that there were onlysic seven seas.Sir Walter: Ah, only numerically speaking. We sailors do not countthe sea around the Cape of Good Hope. It is called theSea of Certain Death, and no sailor has crossed it alive.Edmund: butts in Well, well, well, what an extraordinarycoincidence.Queen: What's an extraordinary coincidence? not caringEdmund: Oh, it's just I was planning a jaunt around the Cape of GoodHope, myself.

I'm leaving a week on Thursday, I think.Queen: 'Really?' Yes, and now that, erm - Sorry, I'veforgotten your name- has returned and the whole court smellsof fish, I've half a mind to set off this afternoon.Sir Walter: If you attempt that journey, you've no mind at all.Edmund: Or perhaps a mind that knows no fear.Queen: Is that true, Edmund? Do you know no fear?Edmund: Well, yes, I do rather laugh in the face of fear,tweak the nose of terror.Queen: Gosh, Edmund, I'd forgotten how dishy you are.Sir Walter: You'd never dare. Why, 'round the Cape, the rainbeats down so hard it makes your head bleed!Edmund: So, some sort of hat is probably in order.Sir Walter: And great dragons leap from the water and swallowships whole!Edmund: -I must remember to pack the larger of my twoshrimping nets.Queen: Edmund, you are completely wonderful. If you do this,I'll probably marry you All leave Sir Walter's sideand go flank BlackadderSir Walter: Oh yes? And who will be your captain? To my mind,there is only one seafarer with few enough marblesto attempt that journey.Edmund: Ah yes, and who is that?Sir Walter: Why, Rum, of course.

Captain Redbeard Rum.Edmund: Well done. Just testing. And where would I find him on aTuesday?Sir Walter: Well, if I remember his habits, he's usually up the OldSea Dog.Edmund: Ah yes, and where is the Old Sea Dog?Sir Walter: Well, on Tuesdays he's normally in bed with the Captain.-cut to a table in a dark room. Rum Tom Baker, but Ineedn't tell you that is sitting with his back againsta wallRum: Aaaaaaahrrrrr Aaaaaaahrrrrr Aaaaaaaaaaahrrrrr.

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Me laddy.Blackadder: Ah-haah-ah, indeed. So, Rum, I wish to hire you andyour ship. Can we shake on it? holds out handRum: aah-ahhh! strokes his hand You have a woman's hand, milord!I'll wager these dainty pinkies never weighed anchorin a storm.Blackadder: Well, you're right there.Rum: Ha ha ha. Your skin milord.

I'll wager it ne'erfelt the lash of a cat 'o' nine tails, been rubbedwith salt, and then flayed off by a pirate chief to makefine stockings for his best cabin boy.Blackadder: How canny, I don't know how you do it, but you're rightagain.Rum: Why should I let a stupid cockerel like you aboard me boat?Blackadder: Perhaps for the money in my purse holding it upRum: Ha. You have a woman's purse!

takes it from him andexamines it daintily I'll wager that purse has never beenused as a rowing-boat. I'll wager it's never had sixteenshipwrecked mariners tossing in it.Blackadder: Yes, right again, Rum. I must say when it comes to tales ofcourage I'm going to have to keep my mouth shut.Rum: Oh! You have a woman's mouth, milord! I'll wager thatmouth never had to chew through the side of a shipto escape the dreadful spindly killer fish.Blackadder: I must say, when I came to see you, I had no idea I was goingto have to eat your ship as well as hire it. And since you'reclearly as mad as a mongoose I'll bid you farewell gets upRum: Aaah, courtiers to the Queen, you're nothing but lapdogs to aslip of a girl.Blackadder: Better a 'lapdog to a slip of a girl', than a. Git.Rum: So you do have some spunk in you!

Don't worry, laddie,I'll come, I'll come holds out his handBlackadder: Well, let us set sail as soon as we can. they shakeI will fetch my first mate, and then I'll returnas fast as my legs will carry me.Rum: Ah! pointing You have a woman's legs, my lord! I'llwager those are legs that have never been sliced clean offby a falling sail, and swept into the sea before yourvery eyes.Blackadder: crossly Well, neither have yours.Rum: That's where you're wrong throws aside table showinghis lack of legsBlackadder: Oh my God!Rum: No point in changing your mind now; no one else willcome. The whole thing's suicide anyway.

What's thefirst mate's name?Blackadder: Percy.Rum: A nautical cove?Blackadder: Yes! He's a sort of wet fish.-cut to Percy and Baldrick in a room. Baldrickis folding what appear to be sheets. Perhaps they are sailsPercy: Petulantly. I'm not coming. I'm just not coming.I mean, of course I'm very.keen. to go on the trip,it's just.

Unfortunately, uh. I've got anappointment. To have my nostrils plucked. Next year.Baldrick: Oh, I'm sorry, my lord. I thought it was because youwere a complete coward.Percy: sounding nervous Don't be ridiculous, Baldrick.You know me, I mean. I- laugh in the face of fear,and- tweak the nose- of the- dreadful spindly killer fish.I'm not one of your milksops who's scared out of his mindby the mere sight of water. backs away in fear asBaldrick holds out a goblet of water to his face Yes, allright, I admit it, I admit it, I'm terrified!

You see, Baldrick,when I was a baby, I was savaged by a turbot flounder.Oh, Baldrick, you can't think of a plan to get me out ofthis, can you?Baldrick: Uh, you can hide, my lord.Percy: Hide. They look around the room.The trunk the sheet came from is standing invitinglywide openBaldrick: Um. After a few minutes, Baldrick finally sees the boxIn the box!Percy: Which one?! Figures it out. Ah - perfect! Gets in the boxLet's practice. All right, Edmund comes in and says, 'Hello,Baldrick.

You haven't seen Percy, have you?' And you say.Baldrick: Uh. Thinks hard No, my lord, I haven't seen him all day.Percy: Brilliant! They hear a door slam Oh my God, here he comes!Baldrick helps close the box lid on top of himEnter Blackadder. Baldrick is standing conspicuously inthe middle of the room next to the boxBlackadder: Oh, hello, Balders.

Where the hell's that cretin Percy;you haven't seen him, have you? Baldrick can't rememberwhat he was supposed to say. He thinks about it. Finally,with an air of blustery triumph, he saysBaldrick: Yes, my lord!

He's hiding on the box!Blackadder: eyeing the box Come on, jellybrain. Hurry up, otherwisewe'll miss the tide! kicks the box, in the manner of, 'isthere anybody home?!' -'Oh, Edmund, I'm SO proud,' we hear the pleased voice ofthe Queen, 'You're just my complete hero! I'm goingall gooey now.' We see that Edmund has come to say goodbyeand the Queen has greeted him from her throne.Blackadder: Ma'am, I move that if during my journey I could believethat occasionally you did spare me a thought and, perhaps,go gooey again, I would deem my certain death a minorinconvenience.

Melchett makes a face as if something smellsQueen: gushy Oh Ned. proudly I've written a poem!Blackadder: Madam, I'm honored!Queen: Opens a folded piece of paper, clears throat.When the night is dark,and the dogs go bark;When the clouds are black,and the ducks go- quack;Melchy and Raleigh nod appreciativelyWhen the sky is blue,and the cows go- moo;'Oh, yes' Melchett smarmsThink of lovely Queenie;She'll be thinking of you.Melchy and Raleigh mumble appreciations and applaud.The Queen continues:It's called, 'Edmund.' Shakespeare gave me a hand withthe title, but the rest is all my own work!Nursie: Tush and fie, my tiddly. You didn't always make suchpretty speeches Queen makes yawning noises'Tis but the twinkling of a toe since you could saynothing but, 'Lizzie go plop, plop; Lizzie go plop, plop-'Queen: -crossly Oh, put a bung in it, Nursie. I am sure Melchyand, uh- pauses Wally, want to say something as well.'

Wally': Oh, yes indeed! Crosses over gleefully to Edmund, andsays with audible satisfaction Goodbye, Blackadder.I'd say 'Bon Voyage,' but there's no point.

You'll bedead in three months. Pats him patronizingly on the shoulderBlackadder: equally patronizingly I love you, Walter, I hope you know thatMelchett steps up to BlackadderMelchett: Farewell, Blackadder hands him a parchment. The foremostcartographers of the land have prepared this for you; it'sa map of the area that you'll be traversing. Blackadder opensit up and sees it is blank -They'll be very grateful if youcould just fill it in as you go along. Bye-bye.A hearty 'arr-arr' is heard in the backgroundQueen: What's that?

Baldrick wheels Rum in on a wooden cartRum: To?Tilbury? The wind is in the sails,the oars are in the locks! And we must awaaayyy! Gesturesgrandly with his handsBlackadder: Lady, it is my captain. Long on beard, short on legs.Queen: Oh, Captain. I wish you luck, from the bottom of my heart.Rum: Booming You have a woman's bottom, my Lady!

Gets wheeledover to her. I'll wager that sweet round pair of peacheshas never been forced 'twixt two splintered planks, to pluga leak and save a ship!Queen: Certainly hasn't, and I'm quite pleased about it! Anyway,what's wrong with women's bottoms?Rum: Not big enough, Ma'am.Nursie: Makes a noise of excitement.Mine. might be!Rum: In that case, my little puddin' of delight, let's beat aboutthe bush no longer. I know I'm only a bluff old cove withno legs and a beard you could lose a badger in, but if you'lltake me, I'm willing to be captain of your ship, forever!What do you say?Nursie: so thrilled she doesn't know what to do with herselfYes, please!Rum: As Baldrick wheels him out I'll be back! We'll all be back!Queen: Edmund, then, this is it.

air-kisses his cheeks in afake show of affection, then gets brisk and 'motherly'Have you got clean underwear? And don't eat foreign food.And watch out for strange men, and discover me a country,and bring me back a vegetable, and -oh- everything!Blackadder: Madam! I shall do all I can. He closes thedoors behind them, then comes back And- don't wait up.Leaves againQueen: looking gushy, and probably covering Raleigh's missinghis cue Gosh.Sir Walter: Well! That's the last we'll see of him. In three months' timehe'll be dead as a pauses and thinks dead dodo.Queen: Oh, Sir Walter, Really!

Melchett thinks the pun wasintentional and brays appreciatively-The scene changes and we are on the ship withBlackadder and company. Rum, then Blackadder, thenBaldrick take turns 'aaarrr'- and 'aaaha'-inglike pirates. All look expectantly at Percybut he does not follow suitBlackadder: Not joining us in the 'ha-ha's, Percy?Percy: With visible disdain No! valiantly I'm thinking ofEngland and the girl I left behind me.Blackadder: annoyed Oh, God; I didn't know you had a girl.Percy: getting all dreamy Oh, yes.

Lady Caroline Fairfax.Blackadder: surprised Caroline! I didn't know you knew her.Percy: Oh, yes!

I even touched her once.Blackadder: puzzled Touched her what?Percy: Uh, once. In the corridor.Blackadder: I've never heard it called.that. before pauses andreflects. Here- when you get home in six months, you'llbe a hero. She might even let you get your hands onher twice.Percy: I fear not.Blackadder: Why not?Percy: Because we'll never get home. We're doomed, doomed!Condemned to a watery grave with a captain who's legless-Rum: Rubbish!

I've hardly touched a drop!Percy: -No, no. I mean you haven't got any legs.Rum: Oh, yes, you're right there. Carry on, sorry.Percy: Moans wordlessly We've got no hope.

No hope of ever returning.Blackadder: On the contrary, we are certain to return!Percy: What?!Blackadder: Because, me old sods, we are not going to the Capeof Good Hope at all.All: WHAT?!!Blackadder: We are in fact going - to France!All: FRANCE!!!! Percy gets to his feet with the shock of the newsPercy: But, Edmund, surely France has already been discovered.points at him By the French for a start.Blackadder: Well, precisely; it's a trick. We just camp down in the?Dardonnes?

For six months, get a good suntan, come home,pretend we've been 'round the Cape, and get all the glory.Percy andBaldrick: Hooray!Rum: A masterly plan, me young master. And one that leads meto make an announcement meself.Blackadder: What's that, Rum?Rum: Truth is, I don't know the way to the Cape of Good Hopeanyway.Blackadder: Well, what were you going to do?Rum: Oh, what I usually do.

Sail 'round and 'round theIsle of Wight 'til everyone gets dizzy. Then head for home.Blackadder: You old rascal.

Still, who cares; the day after tomorrowwe shall be in Calais. Captain, stands and raises his glassset sail for France!All save Rum raise their glasses and toast, thenyell, 'Hooray!' The screen blanks and two lines appear in a caption:The Day AfterThe Day After TomorrowThe four are still sitting in the ship's galley, onlylooking dejected instead of spiritedBlackadder: So. You Don't Know The Way To France, Either.Rum: No! I must confess that, too.Blackadder: turns toward Percy and Baldrick as if he is going toannounce his revised plan, and says: Bugger!-Scene changes to Queen entering a room and Melchettand Raleigh bowingQueen: He's only been gone three days and I am missing him already.Raleigh: smarmily Well, perhaps Ma'am, I could amuse you stillfurther with tales of my adventures.Queen: menacingly Like what?Raleigh: Perhaps you would like to hear the one about the madpirate king, whose crew consisted entirely of men calledRoger.Queen: bored Heard it.Raleigh: Oh.

Maybe I could distract you with the tale of the time Ifell into the water and was almost eaten by a hammerhead shark.Queen: Yes. All right, try that one.Raleigh: Well, Ma'am. with a flourish I fell into the water.pauses for suspense and was almost eaten by a shark.And the funny thing is, its head was almost exactly thesame shape as a hammer!Queen: extremely annoyed Ooh, God!

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You'd better come up withsome presents, or I'm going to go off explorers completely!Raleigh: Ma'am?Queen: I'll tell you something else. Edmund was right. You dosmell of fish. leaves in a huff-change of scene: Rum, Blackadder, Baldrick and Percyare sitting around a table in the galley, ostensiblyarguing about their plight. Tom Baker can be clearlydistinguished above the rest yelling 'Rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb!while the rest are actually talking in a way that theircharacters mightEdmund: Look, there's no need to panic. Someone in the crew willknow how to steer this thing.Rum: The crew, milord?Edmund: Yes, the crew.Rum: What crew?Edmund: I was under the impression that it was common maritime practicefor a ship to have a crew.Rum: Opinion is divided on the subject.Edmund: Oh, really? starting to get the pictureRum: Yahs.

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All the other captains say it is; I say it isn't.Edmund: Oh, God; Mad as a brush.-The scene blanks out and a caption appears:'Six Months Later'Melchett carries a rolled up parchment which hepresents to the QueenMelchett: Sir Walter Raleigh's death warrant for your signature,Majesty.Queen: with quill pen at the ready Oh. Any news of Edmund?Melchett: smugly Well, Madam, if they're on course, they should benearing the urine-drinking stage by now.Queen: Don't be horrid, Melchy. Edmund would rather die!Melchett: I fear that may be wishful thinking, Majesty. He blowsthe ink dry on Raleigh's death warrant-scene change: Edmund is passed out or sleeping at thegalley table. A knock comes at the doorEdmund: Enter.

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Baldrick and Percy come in, carrying bottles. Edmundsits up and we see he that his face is tired and drawn So soon?Percy: You said today. They set the bottles on the tableEdmund: Yes, well, I'm not feeling very thirsty at the moment.I had an egg-cup full of stagnant water three weeks ago.Oh all right, come on, let's get on with it. He stands upBaldrick: Should we drink each other's or stick to our own?Edmund: Is Captain Rum joining us for this bring-a-sample party,or is he going to sit this one out?Percy: Oh no, he's been swigging his for ages. He says he likes it.Actually, come to think of it, he started before the waterran out.Edmund: Oh, God.

Resigned Well, let's get on with it.Caption appears,'Ten Minutes Later'Then, we see the three of them with their backs tothe camera and their hands apparently in front of themEdmund: It's always the same, isn't it; you get all keyed up andthen you can't go.Baldrick: I've done two bottles He turns around and places twofull bottles on the tableBlackadder: All right, then; pour it out. Laments That it should cometo this, drinking Baldrick's water. He holds out a mug andBaldrick begins to pourBaldrick: Say when. Blackadder says 'When' almost immediately. Baldrickclinks bottles with Percy, in a toast, 'Down the hatch'.

Theyraise the glasses and are about to drinkRumoffscreen: Land Ahoy! They stagger as the ship hits somethingBlackadder: Ah! France at last!Rum: pops his head in the galley window No, me young master.Through fair winds and fine seamanship, our vessel is once moreedged up on the shores of Old Blightey.All: Hooray!Rum: By lucky chance, we have landed at Southampton dock.All: Hooray!Rum: Fare thee well. The last one up the old sea dog gets a lickof the cat'! He disappears again, and Baldrick goes to thewindow and looks outBaldrick: Don't look much like Southampton to me, my lord.Blackadder: What?Baldrick: Well, those streams of molten lava and that steamymangrove swamp.

(, 07:23 AM)3rensho Wrote: Amazing array of test instruments at Simon-Dean. Makes my set of sockets and feeler gauges seem even older.Yes agreed, certainly LOOKS impressive. But doesn't mean that the person using them is any good. Can certainly write and talk a good narrative and I would like more reviews before I use the facility but on the other hand, certainly appears to be considerably cheaper than the Cit main dealers.Suppose it's the same old adage.

'You pays your money, you takes your choice'.What are the tappet clearance settings on an ECU from a 2.0HDI??? (, 07:56 PM)andy-womble Wrote: quote='Oldie' pid='808' dateline='LOL, I feel much better now.Found this today from trawling the net, local to me in Stoke but don't know how good he is or what. Once again, I have no knowledge of this person or any pecuniray interest.Please see it:'We use a diagnostic tablet PC called 'Proxia 2'and 'Proxia 3' for all our diagnosis requirements to Citroen/Peugeot vehicles'Proxia equipment is out of support by Citroen from Nov,08.Download here last Proxia announcement and see dates. Pk7478 wrote 'Proxia equipment is out of support by Citroen from Nov,08.Download here last Proxia announcement and see dates:'Thanks for that, you have now cast the element of doubt in my mind.Two trains of thought now:-1. Have Citroen closed the door and tried to make it a 'Closed Shop' preventing third parties from accessing their equipment, a cunning ploy (Blackadder) to ensure the mug punter has to use Citroen Dealerships.2. Is the independant repairer 'kosher' and as up to speed with vehicles as he porports to being?3. My vehicle is of a 2004 vintage so will this really affect me???4.

Has anyone used Simon-Dean's facilities and would welcome any reviews or commentsSorry and apologise but we seem to have digressed from the original subject matter, my fault entirely.